ABA Therapy
Teaching sharing to an autistic child can feel challenging for many parents because sharing involves more than giving a toy to another person. A child must understand waiting, taking turns, communication, flexibility, and social norms all at once. For children with autism, these skills may take time to develop because social interaction can feel confusing, fast, or overwhelming.
An autistic child may not refuse to share on purpose. The child may feel anxious about losing a favorite item, unsure when the toy will come back, or unable to explain what is happening. This is why parents should teach sharing through structure, visual supports, simple language, and positive reinforcement.
The goal is not to force a child to share right away. The goal is breaking sharing into small steps so the child can practice at their own pace and feel successful during play, school, and time with other children.
Key Takeaways
- Teaching sharing to an autistic child works best when parents begin with turn-taking, short routines, and clear expectations.
- Visual supports, visual cues, social stories, and positive reinforcement can help children with autism understand sharing and waiting more clearly.
- Sharing skills develop through play, simple games, structured activities, and repeated practice with trusted peers, siblings, and adults.
Why Sharing Can Be Challenging for Children With Autism
Sharing can be challenging because it requires several skills at the same time. An autistic child may need to stop using a toy, wait for another person, trust that the toy will return, and manage big feelings. This can be hard when the child is still learning communication, flexibility, and emotional regulation.
Children with autism may also struggle with joint attention and social cues. For example, one child may not understand why another child wants the same toy. Another child may become upset because they do not know how long the waiting will last. These moments can make sharing feel stressful instead of fun.
Parents can help by framing sharing as a temporary routine. Instead of saying, “Give the toy to your friend,” use simple language like, “Your friend gets one turn, then it comes back to you.” This helps the child understand that sharing does not mean losing the item forever.
Sharing vs. Turn Taking
Turn taking is often the first step before full sharing. Many autistic children learn better when adults teach one clear turn at a time instead of expecting the child to share for a long period.
| Skill | Example | Why It Helps |
| Turn taking | “My turn, then your turn” | Helps the child understand clear turn order |
| Sharing | Letting another person use a toy briefly | Builds flexibility and waiting |
| Cooperative play | Building a tower together | Supports playing cooperatively with peers |
| Social interaction | Asking, waiting, and responding | Helps children learn social skills in real life |
Breaking sharing into smaller steps makes the process easier. A child may first learn to tolerate another person nearby, then practice taking turns, then begin playing cooperatively with other children.
How Visual Supports Help Teach Sharing
Visual supports help make sharing more concrete. Many children with autism process visual information more easily than spoken instructions, especially during social situations.
“My turn” and “Your turn” cards can help explain expectations and show the sequence of sharing behavior. Timers or countdown apps can help the child understand how long a turn lasts. Red and green visual cues can also show when it is someone’s turn during games.
These tools reduce uncertainty. When a child understands what is happening and when the toy will return, waiting often feels less stressful.
Practical Ways to Teach Sharing
Parents can teach sharing through play, daily routines, and short practice sessions. Start with medium-value toys instead of the child’s favorite toy. This lowers anxiety and makes success more likely.
Use simple games with clear turn-taking, such as rolling a ball, placing puzzle pieces, stacking blocks, or taking turns with cars. These games make sharing feel natural because the routine is predictable.
Positive reinforcement should happen right after the child shares, waits, or returns a toy. Parents can use praise like, “Great waiting,” “You gave your friend a turn,” or “Nice sharing.” Small rewards, stickers, or extra play time can also promote sharing when used consistently.
Using Social Stories and Modeling
Social stories can help explain sharing in a way that feels relatable. A social story might explain that a friend can use a toy for a short time and then give it back. It can also show what the child can do while waiting.
Parents can also model sharing behavior. For example, an adult can say, “I have the car. Now I give you a turn. Then you give it back.” This helps the child see the behavior before being asked to do it.
Modeling works best when adults use calm voices, short phrases, and repeated examples. Children learn through practice, so the same routine may need to happen many times before the skill feels natural.
Best Activities for Teaching Sharing
Play is one of the best ways to teach sharing because it feels more natural than direct instruction. Through play, autistic children can practice sharing, taking turns, communication, and other social skills in a fun setting.
| Activity | Skill Practiced | Example |
| Rolling a ball | Turn taking | One child rolls, then the other rolls back |
| Building blocks | Sharing and cooperative play | Children take turns adding blocks |
| Snack routine | Waiting and sharing | The child gives one snack to a friend |
| Art activity | Playing cooperatively | Children share crayons or stickers |
| Board games | Waiting and rules | Each person gets a clear turn |
| Sensory play | Shared engagement | Children use sand, water, or playdough together |
Older children may enjoy structured activities like board games, team projects, or building challenges. Younger children may need shorter routines with more adult support.
What Parents Should Avoid
Parents should avoid forcing a child to share before the child is ready. Taking toys away suddenly can increase anxiety and make sharing feel unsafe. Instead, explain what is happening and use visual supports so the child knows the item will return.
It also helps to let the child choose some personal toys that do not need to be shared. This creates healthy boundaries and gives the child a sense of control. Parents can use other toys for sharing practice.
Avoid comparing the child to siblings, other kids, or classmates. Every autistic child develops social skills at a different pace. The key is to focus on progress, not perfection.
How ABA Therapy Can Support Sharing Skills
ABA therapy can help teach sharing by breaking sharing into small, teachable steps. Therapists may begin with simple turn taking, then move toward waiting, returning toys, and playing cooperatively with peers.
Evidence based strategies may include visual supports, positive reinforcement, social stories, modeling, and structured practice. Therapists can also work closely with families and school teams so the child can practice the same skills across home, school, and community settings.
For example, if a child struggles during a play date, a therapist may create a short routine with one friend, one activity, and clear turn cards. This gives the child a safe way to practice sharing without feeling overwhelmed.
How Sharing Supports a Child’s Development
Sharing supports a child’s development because it builds communication, patience, flexibility, and friendship skills. These skills help children feel connected during play and social situations.
When children learn sharing through structure and support, they can become more comfortable with other children. They may begin to interact more, talk during play, and understand what is happening during group routines.
The process takes time, but each small success matters. A child who waits for five seconds today may wait longer next week. A child who shares one toy at home may later share materials at school.
Conclusion
Teaching sharing to an autistic child takes patience, structure, and repeated practice. Parents can support sharing by starting with turn taking, using visual supports, adding social stories, and giving positive reinforcement when the child shows progress. Sharing should feel predictable, temporary, and safe, not forced or rushed. With the right strategies, children with autism can build social skills, practice playing cooperatively, and feel more confident with friends, siblings, and peers.
At Nurturing Nests Therapy Center, Inc., we help families teach social skills in ways that fit each child’s needs. Our therapists in Los Angeles create personalized, play-based programs that support communication, sharing, emotional regulation, and overall development. Contact us today to learn more about our autism therapy services, behavioral consultation, and early intervention programs for your family.
FAQs
Do autistic children struggle with sharing?
Yes, many autistic children struggle with sharing because it requires waiting, communication, flexibility, and understanding social norms. With structure, visual supports, and practice, children can learn sharing at their own pace.
What is the 10-second rule for autism?
The 10-second rule means giving an autistic child extra time to process a question, instruction, or social request before repeating it. This can reduce pressure and help the child respond more calmly.
What billionaire has Asperger’s?
Elon Musk said during his 2021 Saturday Night Live monologue that he has Asperger’s, though reports note that Asperger’s is now considered part of autism spectrum disorder.
What is chinning in autism?
Chinning usually refers to pressing, rubbing, or resting the chin against objects, surfaces, or people. For some autistic children, this may be a sensory-seeking behavior that provides pressure, comfort, or regulation.
